It’s Memorial Day, which means wedding season has officially begun! I adore going to the beautiful weddings of people I love (luckily for me, because I have four to attend before the year is out!), but I gotta be honest: I’m pretty iffy the #millennial trend of #weddinghashtags. Practically, I get that it’s helpful to aggregate social media photos of the wedding, but also…isn’t that what the professional photog’s getting paid $150 an hour to do? I do think hashtags would be more fun if, instead of some cute pun on the future spouses’ names, they revealed key truths about the couple in question. However, it’s probably not gonna happen, so I’ve compiled a list of accurate wedding hashtags you won’t see on insta this summer for your entertainment:

#audreyissettlingformark

#weshouldhavesignedaprenup

#thirdtimeisprobablynotthecharm

#grandmasgonnadiesoonsothisisforher

#anastasianeedsagreencard

#thisweddingcostmorethanyourhousehaha

#yougiveussixmonthstopsandweagree

#allthebridesmaidsactuallyhatejennifercuzshesabitch

#boywesuredolovemasonjarsdontwe

#werereligiousandreallywanttohavesex

#imnottakingbradsnameandheispissedeventhoughclaimstobefeminist

#werecheapsoitsacashbar

#ihavecoldfeetbutmydadpaidalotofmoneyforthis

#imsansastarksothisisnotgoingtoendwell

#wedidntknowitwasaslaveplantationwhenwebookedthevenuenowgetoffourbacks

#wehaventdiscussedwhetherwebothwantkidsyetsothatwillgowell

#youwouldneverhavesetfootinclevelandwereitnotforthiswedding

#momwantsgrandkids

#ourmarriagewillbenothinglikemyparentsright

#amyspregnantsohereweare

 

Cheers to happy couples everywhere! 😉

 

 

*Disclaimer to everyone whose weddings I am attending this summer: lol this is not you. Except maybe the mason jars one, because come on, who DOESN’T love mason jars? My wedding is gonna take place in a fucking mason jar, people!